Goodlove

I’ve loved much, and many. I’ve loved gently, cautiously, wildly, deeply. I’ve experienced good love and bad. All of it is valid. All of it is worthwhile. The greatness of love isn’t in it’s longevity, but in whether it has the power to deepen your soul.

I’ll always love everyone I’ve ever loved.

Free?

I guess I am notoriously bad at relationships.  All attempts at domestication have failed.  Maybe the men I’ve known have been especially talented at spending years convincing me I’m the most wonderful creature they’ve ever discovered and yet only days dismissing me as a cumbersome pain, but all signs point to me.  At a certain point I guess I’m relieved.  The initial disappointment fades into the relief of knowing I don’t have to keep tiptoeing around someone else’s sensitivities.  Maybe I’m selfish for that.  Maybe it’s just not for me.  Either way, free is free.  If free is my consolation prize, I’ll take it.  What other choice do I have?

Happy life

Best compliments ever:

“I love that you still get genuinely excited about the work we do.  It’s really fun to watch.” -my boss, during my annual review

“Well, she’s a lovin’ little thing, ain’t she?” -my bff’s mom (…although I think you’re officially referred to as a “mama” when you speak that way.  Love.)

Pinot or Chardonnay for you, Sacagawea?

There’s a running list in my head of potential invitees to my Imaginary Celebrity Party:

Ernest HemingwayEAPoe
Otis Redding
Steve Martin
April O’Neal
Edgar Allan Poe
Eric Clapton
Maya Angelou
Chuck & Josh, as a team
Doc Watson
Tina Fey & Amy Pohler, as a team
Louis Armstrong
Elizabeth Cady Stanton & Lucretia Mott, individually or as a team
Mindy Kaling
the brilliant, glorious human that created this photo >>>>

…there are more, obviously…

Equal, we fail.

http://www.blackyouthproject.com/2013/07/byp100/

It’s like the class you took in high school that sounded compelling, but never managed to interested you because the teacher/administration/school system designed the content to emphasize a level of understanding only basic enough to cover their own ass(es) when the test scores came back. Intellectual growth? Critical thinking? The encouragement of young, malleable, enthusiastic minds? …Who cares? No one failed. No one got fired.

In the same way that we generally acknowledge a lawful understanding that we aren’t to take another human life, the idea of equality is so obvious, it’s just condescending. How tragic, how ludicrous that we’re debating it’s merits -and in an overwhelming number of circumstances, failing to uphold equality even to it’s most basal standards.

To treat each other equally is to dilute every spectacular eccentricity, to ignore all the fascinating nuances that purpose us, drive us and define our personal relevance. How infinitely might we be a greater, fuller, more actualized culture if we could see past our cursory features and experience each other as individually shining and glorious spectacles of autonomous beauty, not equal, but varied and a vast pool of talents, interests, ideas and strengths? What if we could receive each other without feeling personally threatened, without envy, without fear? What if we could fully accept another person, without simultaneously, somehow feeling we are dejecting ourselves?  What if we would be secure in our differences, celebrating our  individuality?   We would transcend the need for social equality.

…Yeah, I hear how insane and fragile I sound, musing on over such a wildly-detached, absurd, ethereal idea. That’s actually the point. Would the ideal be so far-fetched if we could trouble ourselves, as a society, to bother with upholding the crudest and most axiomatic component of humanity?

Equality is a concept designed to ameliorate the lowest common denominator of society. Somewhere along the way, we canonized it as the goal. And anywhere short of a goal that meager, we all fail. We all get fired.

You made a resolution? Ooh, original!

I don’t know.  Something creative I think.  I mean, I should say “keep my house cleaner” or something, but the clean laundry pile/dirty laundry pile system only bothers other people.  I’ve become pretty cool with it.  So, for New Year’s, I like to do things that I’ve just been wanting to do.  And maybe I’ll only do them that one time, but hey, at least I did something new.

My 2013 thoughts are:

1.) There’s a ukulele store in town and they offer lessons. I think it’d be fun to buy a cheap one and take a lesson or two.  Maybe it’d be cool to come home in the evenings, pour a glass of wine and ignore my laundry piles while picking a little ukulele.  Now, if you have any knowledge of how neglected my guitar is, you may discourage this being my resolution of choice.  And you’d probably be right, but the lonely guitar would, at the very least, have a lonely new friend.

oldme

Lifetime Resolution: Be this spectacular!*

2.) I’d like to take a painting or photography class.  I’d like to know that I’m not too old to acquire a new …well, “skill” may be a lofty word to use, but I don’t know -“aspiration”, maybe?  I’d also like the time alone that a hobby like that would require.

3.) I’d like to explore yoga a little more. I tend to avoid working out in classes because there always seems to be some overachiever weirdo that wants to one-up everybody and critique your form and all, but I’ve worked through a couple yoga dvds and I think somehow the atmosphere would be different when I’m forced to focus and there’s some sweet hippie music playing and my downward dog can be separated from my actual dog.  I’m pretty sure “Move! Don’t lick me!” isn’t an officially yoga-certified chant.

…This was fun to write.  Maybe I’ll start a blog.

Maybe I’ll seek out some ADHD meds.  Who knows!? 2013 is my oyster! …Yours too.  Cheers!

*I do not own this awesome photo.